As parents, we want the best for our children, but sometimes, especially during exam season, our intentions clash with how our children perceive our actions. A simple statement like “your results will shape your future” can be meant as encouragement but may land as pressure. A student recently told me he was tired of hearing, “You are not using your full potential” and another confessed that when she forgets a formula during the exam, she can already picture her dad’s disappointed face.
For children and parents, navigating exam season could be as stressful as walking through a minefield. But it needn’t be so. Parents can easily create a stress-free environment at home. Take the letters EXAM as a framework (E for ‘Establish a plan’, X for ‘eXecute with focus’, A for Avoid Pressure and M for ‘Maximise performance’) and you will see the difference.
Establish a Plan
The weeks leading up to the exams are critical. Sit with your child and plan their schedule, keeping their input at the center. Ask open-ended questions like:
· “What do you think is the best way to balance easy and tough subjects?”
· “How can we plan your breaks to keep you refreshed?”
Logistics also matter—check if they have all the stationery, books, and materials they would need. Discuss practical details like what clothes they’ll wear and their exam-day routine to avoid last-minute stress. Discuss which subjects to study each day and preplan study topics for evenings after each exam
Don’t decide for them but have a collaborative discussion. This gives them ownership while ensuring they’re covering all key areas.
X – Execute with Focus
As exams approach, reduce the intensity of reminders and interventions. Trust your child’s preparation and focus on their well-being. Encourage them to:
· Get enough sleep to boost memory and focus. Ensure at least 8 hours of sleep
· Stay hydrated and eat healthy meals. This will help them stay fit and alert
· Practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques to calm their nerves.
A father shared: “My daughter gets anxious when I keep asking if she has revised. So now, I just sit with her quietly while she studies. She says it helps her feel supported.”
Avoid Pressure : Managing Anxiety—Yours and Theirs
One student asked me “Why in 10th std I get so many people calling me to wish me luck and that does not happen in any other grade, it creates unnecessary pressure on to me.”
Many parents use the same approach for all their kids, which isn’t always effective. As one parent shared, “One son needs pressure to study, while the other gets anxious with even a little. I have to manage them differently.”
Parenting during exams can be emotionally taxing. You might find yourself saying, “If I don’t remind them to study, will they take it seriously?” But your anxiety can spill over to them. As one parent puts it: “I’m nervous, but I don’t want to show it because I know it affects my child.”
Research shows that our bodies are highly attuned to stress and anxiety cues from those around us. Often, we unconsciously absorb others' stress, making it feel like our own—this phenomenon is known as second-hand stress. When we are in close contact with anxious individuals, their stress can influence our emotions and responses, impacting our overall well-being.
Instead of bottling it up or letting it leak out as nagging, share your feelings constructively. For instance, “I’m a little worried about how you’re feeling about maths. How can I help?” opens the door to collaboration rather than confrontation.
Maximize Performance Focus on Input, not Outcome
One thing that’s crucial to convey to your child is unconditional love. Let them know “I love you, not because of your grades, but because you are you. What matters to me is the effort you put in, not the outcome.
A day before the exam date should be about relaxation. Avoid last-minute quizzing or revision marathons. Encourage your child to:
· Go for a walk or engage in light physical activity.
· Prepare their exam essentials (admit card, pen, etc.) calmly.
· Help them learn how to take deep breaths and visualize taking the exam.
· Review Subject summary notes and formula’s
Your role is to provide reassurance. Tell them, “Your effort is what matters most. You’ve worked hard, and I’m proud of you no matter what.”
One student mentioned, “I love it when my mom makes my favorite comfort food before exams. It feels like a small celebration of my effort.”
On the day of the exam, inspire them to feel like a champion who has conquered the journey through consistent effort all year, rather than resorting to last-minute preparation
Also, guide them to pause between papers and take two or three conscious breaths. Deep breathing helps the brain get more oxygen and can help them think clearly. Remind them to smile during the paper which will make them feel relaxed.
Encourage them to use the full exam time to carefully review their answers, ensuring they haven’t missed anything.
After the exam, advise them to avoid discussing answers or calculating marks, as this can lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, help them stay positive and shift their focus to preparing for the next paper
Resist the urge to interrogate them about how it went. Instead, ask:
“How did you feel about it?”
“Is there anything you’d like to adjust for the next paper?”
This shifts the focus from judgment to learning.
Gary Chapman, author of 5 Love Language of Teens, said, “How full is your emotional tank?” Parents need to fill their emotional tanks to support their children effectively during exam seasons. This could mean taking time to relax, sharing concerns with a partner or friend, or simply taking a moment to breathe. When you’re calm and balanced, it’s easier to create a supportive, nurturing environment for your child during exam time and throughout the year.
During exam season, parents are like a lighthouse—providing guidance, stability, and reassurance while their child navigates the rough waters of academic stress. A lighthouse doesn’t steer the ship; it simply provides a steady light, helping the sailor find their way safely.
Likewise, your role as a parent is not to control every move your child makes but to offer support, encouragement, and a calm presence. The waters may get choppy with anxiety and self-doubt, but knowing that you are there—unwavering and understanding—gives them the confidence to sail forward with focus and resilience.
So, as your child walks into the exam hall, remind them "You’ve trained for this. You’re ready. Just do your best, and I’m proud of you no matter what.”
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